In a new book, Lady Gaga: Just Dance: The Biography by Helia Phoenix, the pop star reveals she was saved from cocaine addiction by the spirit of her dead aunt.

Lady Gaga got involved in the world of drugs in the beginning of her career, explaining she would lock herself in her bedroom and snort “bags and bags” of cocaine for songwriting inspiration. Once she remembered her aunt Joanne died at 19 years old due to drugs, she realized she was putting her life in jeopardy.

The 23-year-old said:

I thought I was going to die. I wanted to be the artists I loved, like Mick Jagger and Andy Warhol, and I thought the only way to do it was to live the lifestyle. My cocaine soundtrack was always The Cure. I would lock myself in my room and listen to ‘Never Enough’ on repeat while I did bags and bags of cocaine. But then I realized my father’s sister Joanne, who died at 19, had instilled her spirit in me. She was a painter and a poet – and I had a spiritual vision I had to finish her business.

Gaga insists her late aunt is still a major influence on her career.